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All Teams

Germany - Ich Bin Ein Winner


As one of the world’s most overly-qualified teams, Germany’s squad rolls out some heavy hitters that mostly hit home too. With the majority of their players earning their keep at teams within their own border, Germany’s top-teir ball-runners will doubtless be quite at home with their fellow pitch pals.

Impressively every single one of their forwards and all but one of their defenders is Deutschland-based. For this reason I’ll have to hand it to them and rank their development at a hefty…


More Bayers than the forest!


Design & Branding

Germany’s fierce commitment to white and gray is evident throughout their team’s history on the world stage. In-fact, it took until Italy’s 1990 event for them to even consider adding something to their tops. Since then, they’ve had their national flag’s colours on every kit, until now. That’s right. The bold design team selected black and white from their printer’s dropdown, and now they’re drowning in cyan toner.

I’m undecided as to whether this simple design is breakthrough or boring. The overlapping lines will doubtless befuddle and harrass the senses of all those that dare to do batter with the Bavarian beasts of old.

They lose marks for throwing their champion status into the ring, with their crest of gold sitting at the centre of this new design. C’mon lads, you’re not cool if you have to tell people about it.


This kit is more restrained than your average Beliner



Sweepstake Pick: Stefan Padurariu

"I was supporting Germany right before picking any team. Right now, nothing can match the feeling of getting to support my favorite team." - Stefan's raring to go!


Germany’s Twitter is alight with emoji. This is simply delightful to behold and really hammers home that you needn’t have an English (or German?) degree to be in marketing these days.

Combined with their top-notch banter with other teams, this is a social feed that is predominately focussed on one thing: balls and feet.

I myself like a little more variety, but you can’t knock their commitment to hashtags and easy-to-digest video content.


How about thoughts on geopolitics?



Germany is home of Oktoberfest and Black Forest Gateau. Simple.


See above.


Overall Score


Not quite top-dog for this goal-scoring powerhouse. My advice: crack a cold one before tweeting next time.

Written by Tom Walters Argentina born & bred